Promise, peril seen for crowd-funding investors









Crowd funding is widely seen as a revolutionary idea.


A 2012 federal law known as the JOBS Act opens the door to allowing small, privately owned businesses to market ownership stakes in their ventures to people over the Internet.


Companies will be able to sell up to $1 million in equity a year to ordinary investors without having to register the offering with the Securities and Exchange Commission or state regulators.





Before the average person can use crowd funding to stake a claim in a startup, the SEC still must draft rules that the Obama administration hopes will result in U.S. businesses growing and adding jobs. At the same time, the securities cop needs to include safeguards that protect less sophisticated individual investors drawn to inherently risky startups.


That's why equity crowd funding under JOBS, or Jumpstart our Business Startups, has some longtime regulators and securities lawyers squirming.


"It can be an invitation for fraudsters to steal money," Matthew Brown, a Katten Muchin Rosenman lawyer, said last month at a CFA Society of Chicago event at 1871, a center for digital startups in Chicago.


But Brown also noted that equity crowd funding also democratizes small-business financing, a process that historically has given access mostly to wealthier — or, as they're known in high-finance circles, "accredited" — investors.


"The world has changed dramatically, and who's to say who is smarter than anyone else?" Brown added.


Many existing crowd-funding platforms such as Kickstarter don't sell equity stakes in businesses to average investors. Rather, they give consumers the chance to donate money to an enterprise or to get an early or discounted crack at a new product. Since Kickstarter's launch in April 2009, more than $450 million has been pledged by more than 3 million people funding more than 35,000 projects, the New York-based company's website says.


Their acceptance suggests that consumers are willing to engage with companies on a deeper level. As such, enabling unaccredited consumers to invest in companies in small increments online has promise and could become part of the fundraising "ecosystem," says one Chicago entrepreneur.


Abe's Market, a Chicago-based e-commerce site selling natural and organic products from more than 1,000 suppliers, said it would consider crowd funding under the JOBS Act, saying it and its vendors have "die-hard fans" and "a core group of customers" who might like to invest in their vision.


Last month, Abe's raised $5 million from Carmel Ventures, Index Ventures, Beringea and Accel Partners, a Groupon backer. New backers include OurCrowd, a crowd-funding site for accredited investors.


"If you can get passionate people to invest in your business, you're not just gaining investors, you're gaining evangelists," Abe's Chief Executive Richard Demb said. "The challenge for any consumer brand is: How do you find not just customers, but the right customers who are going to tell their friends?"


But there would also be potential headaches for companies raising equity financing through crowd funding, he said.


"You have to make sure that expectations would be set fairly, that no one is putting their life savings into the investment, and that they don't also come back and become a challenge to manage as the business grows," Demb said. "You don't want someone who invested $250 to come back and say, 'I don't think we should expand to the West Coast.'"


Safeguards for average investors exist in the JOBS Act. They include capping nonaccredited individuals' crowd-funding investments at $2,000, or 5 percent of annual income or net worth of less than $100,000, whichever is greater.


Snapclass, launched a few weeks ago at 1871, provides software enabling businesses to provide training online. Co-founder Scott Mandel, who has financed the company himself, doesn't expect to take advantage of equity crowd funding in the future and instead would seek, say, venture capital funding.


"Not all checks are the same," said Mandel, previously a trader and professional poker player. "I'd want someone who could add more than just the cash, such as connections and experience and help with things that I'm not an expert in."


One of 1871's fastest-growing startups is MarkITx. It recently raised $1.2 million from wealthy individuals in its first fundraising round, has seven employees and is looking to add sales jobs. It's an online exchange for businesses wanting to buy and sell used information technology equipment, from iPads to Oracle servers.


"For us, it wouldn't be the sole way to raise money, but it definitely is a viable vehicle to look at raising money," MarkITx partner Marc Brooks said of equity crowd funding under the JOBS Act.





Read More..

Te'o tackles questions about 'embarrassing' hoax


























































INDIANAPOLIS –  Manti Te’o sounded like a man ready to move on with his life.

The former Notre Dame linebacker, who claimed to be a victim of a bizarre hoax involving an Internet-created girlfriend, fielded questions from a media horde Saturday at the NFL scouting combine and said he is beyond the personal embarrassment caused by the incident. But Te’o said he is still disappointed in himself for the harm he caused his family.

"The incident, I said all I needed to say about that," Te’o said. "How I’m handing it going forward, it’s doing what I’m doing right now: Focusing on the moment and focusing on football and the combine.

"Not everybody gets this opportunity to be here. I’m sure there are thousands and thousands of people who would like to be here in Indianapolis. So, just trying to enjoy the moment.’’


Te'o said he was surprised by the intensity of the interest in the hoax, calling the reaction "overwhelming" at times and said it was "definitely embarrassing."


Asked about people who have expressed doubts about his version of his involvement in the hoax, Te'o said, "I could have done some things different to avoid all this stuff. .... I'm just very grateful for those who helped me get through that time."
 
Te’o knew he faced more questions about the fake girlfriend hoax that transfixed the nation. More importantly, he needs to show NFL teams how his poor performance against Alabama in the BCS national title game was just as much of an illusion.








"That's all on me," Te'o said of the Alabama game. "Alabama had a great game plan."


Te'o said he has received no indication from NFL teams that the incident will affect his draft status. He also said he didn't think it would affect how he is treated by future teammates.


Te’o said he met with the Houston Texans and Green Bay Packers in Indianapolis and still was scheduled to meet with 18 more teams. He hopes to answer some doubts about his performance against Alabama in the national title game when the linebackers start their workouts on Monday.

When the roughly 15-minute session ended, Te'o thanked the media for attending, then thanked his family and Notre Dame.






Read More..

Oscars expand social media outreach for 85th show






LOS ANGELES (AP) — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is encouraging celebrities to tweet during the Oscars.


The film organization has expanded its digital outreach for the 85th Academy Awards with a new feature that lets stars to snap photos of themselves backstage during Sunday’s ceremony and instantly post them online.






What Twitter calls a “Magic Mirror” will take photo-booth-style pictures of participating stars in the green room and send them out on the academy’s official Twitter account. Organizers expect multiple celebrity mash-ups.


The backstage green room is a private place for stars to hang out before taking the stage and is typically closed to press and photographers.


The Magic Mirror is “giving access to fans at home a part of the show they never got to experience before,” Twitter spokeswoman Elaine Filadelfo said Friday.


A new video-on-demand/instant replay feature also being introduced Sunday will allow Oscar fans to view show highlights online moments after they happen and share them with friends on Twitter and Facebook. Dozens of clips from the red carpet and the awards telecast will be available on the official Oscar website beyond Sunday’s ceremony.


Oscar.com also offers other behind-the-scenes interactive features, including various backstage camera perspectives and a new live blog that aggregates the show’s presence across social media. It will track the traffic on whatever makes a splash, like Angelina Jolie’s right leg did last year.


The academy wants to make its second-screen experience just as rich as its primary one.


“Social media is now mainstream,” said Christina Kounelias, chief marketing officer for the academy.


“We’re not doing social media to reach out to young kids,” said the academy’s digital media director, Josh Spector. “We’re doing it to connect with all Oscar fans.”


___


Follow AP Entertainment Writer Sandy Cohen on Twitter: www.twitter.com/APSandy.


___


Online:


www.oscar.com


Entertainment News Headlines – Yahoo! News





Title Post: Oscars expand social media outreach for 85th show
Url Post: http://www.news.fluser.com/oscars-expand-social-media-outreach-for-85th-show/
Link To Post : Oscars expand social media outreach for 85th show
Rating:
100%

based on 99998 ratings.
5 user reviews.
Author: Fluser SeoLink
Thanks for visiting the blog, If any criticism and suggestions please leave a comment




Read More..

Drone Pilots Found to Get Stress Disorders Much as Those in Combat Do


U.S. Air Force/Master Sgt. Steve Horton


Capt. Richard Koll, left, and Airman First Class Mike Eulo monitored a drone aircraft after launching it in Iraq.





The study affirms a growing body of research finding health hazards even for those piloting machines from bases far from actual combat zones.


“Though it might be thousands of miles from the battlefield, this work still involves tough stressors and has tough consequences for those crews,” said Peter W. Singer, a scholar at the Brookings Institution who has written extensively about drones. He was not involved in the new research.


That study, by the Armed Forces Health Surveillance Center, which analyzes health trends among military personnel, did not try to explain the sources of mental health problems among drone pilots.


But Air Force officials and independent experts have suggested several potential causes, among them witnessing combat violence on live video feeds, working in isolation or under inflexible shift hours, juggling the simultaneous demands of home life with combat operations and dealing with intense stress because of crew shortages.


“Remotely piloted aircraft pilots may stare at the same piece of ground for days,” said Jean Lin Otto, an epidemiologist who was a co-author of the study. “They witness the carnage. Manned aircraft pilots don’t do that. They get out of there as soon as possible.”


Dr. Otto said she had begun the study expecting that drone pilots would actually have a higher rate of mental health problems because of the unique pressures of their job.


Since 2008, the number of pilots of remotely piloted aircraft — the Air Force’s preferred term for drones — has grown fourfold, to nearly 1,300. The Air Force is now training more pilots for its drones than for its fighter jets and bombers combined. And by 2015, it expects to have more drone pilots than bomber pilots, although fighter pilots will remain a larger group.


Those figures do not include drones operated by the C.I.A. in counterterrorism operations over Pakistan, Yemen and other countries.


The Pentagon has begun taking steps to keep pace with the rapid expansion of drone operations. It recently created a new medal to honor troops involved in both drone warfare and cyberwarfare. And the Air Force has expanded access to chaplains and therapists for drone operators, said Col. William M. Tart, who commanded remotely piloted aircraft crews at Creech Air Force Base in Nevada.


The Air Force has also conducted research into the health issues of drone crew members. In a 2011 survey of nearly 840 drone operators, it found that 46 percent of Reaper and Predator pilots, and 48 percent of Global Hawk sensor operators, reported “high operational stress.” Those crews cited long hours and frequent shift changes as major causes.


That study found the stress among drone operators to be much higher than that reported by Air Force members in logistics or support jobs. But it did not compare the stress levels of the drone operators with those of traditional pilots.


The new study looked at the electronic health records of 709 drone pilots and 5,256 manned aircraft pilots between October 2003 and December 2011. Those records included information about clinical diagnoses by medical professionals and not just self-reported symptoms.


After analyzing diagnosis and treatment records, the researchers initially found that the drone pilots had higher incidence rates for 12 conditions, including anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse and suicidal ideation.


But after the data were adjusted for age, number of deployments, time in service and history of previous mental health problems, the rates were similar, said Dr. Otto, who was scheduled to present her findings in Arizona on Saturday at a conference of the American College of Preventive Medicine.


The study also found that the incidence rates of mental heath problems among drone pilots spiked in 2009. Dr. Otto speculated that the increase might have been the result of intense pressure on pilots during the Iraq surge in the preceding years.


The study found that pilots of both manned and unmanned aircraft had lower rates of mental health problems than other Air Force personnel. But Dr. Otto conceded that her study might underestimate problems among both manned and unmanned aircraft pilots, who may feel pressure not to report mental health symptoms to doctors out of fears that they will be grounded.


She said she planned to conduct two follow-up studies: one that tries to compensate for possible underreporting of mental health problems by pilots and another that analyzes mental health issues among sensor operators, who control drone cameras while sitting next to the pilots.


“The increasing use of remotely piloted aircraft for war fighting as well as humanitarian relief should prompt increased surveillance,” she said.


Read More..

16 airport investors show interest in Midway








An international array of airport investors and operators have shown interest in developing bids to privatize Midway Airport, the city announced Friday evening.

Sixteen parties responded to the city's "request for qualifications" by a 4 p.m. deadline, indicating they had interest in leasing, operating and improving the Southwest Side airport, the nation's 26th busiest, with about 9 million passengers passing through annually.

"The response generated from the  ... process is encouraging and provides the city with a sense of the strong level of interest in a potential lease," said Lois Scott, the city's chief financial officer. "We must evaluate fully if this could be a win for Chicagoans."

The city and its advisers will review the responses to identify qualified potential bidders.

Of the 16, seven had both the operational and financial capabilities sought in the RFQ. The city identified them as:



-- ACO Investment Group, an investor and operator with global airport experience.

-- AMP Capital Investors Limited, a manager and investor in airports, including Melbourne Airport in Australia and Newcastle Airport, in Britain.

--  Corporacion America Group, an Argentina-based airport operator with 49 airports in seven countries.

-- Global Infrastructure Partners (GIP), which is the controlling investor and active manager of London City Airport, London Gatwick Airport and Edinburgh Airport.

--Great Lakes Airport Alliance, which is a partnership of Macquarie Infrastructure and Real Assets and Ferrovial. Its airport operations include London's Heathrow, Brussels Airport and Copenhagen Airport.

-- Incheon International Airport and Hastings Funds Management, which is the sole owner and operator of Incheon International Airport in South Korea and an investor with 16 airport-related investments.

--  Industry Funds Management and Manchester Airport Group, an investor with interests in 13 airports, including Melbourne Airport and Brisbane Airport, both in Australia, and operator of Manchester Airport and East Midlands Airport, in Britain.

If the city moves forward and seeks proposals, a privatization plan could be submitted to the City Council this summer.

This is the second time Chicago has looked at privatizing Midway. A 99-year lease that would have brought in $2.5 billion died in 2009 when the financial markets froze. That deal had drawn six serious bidders.

Mayor Rahm Emanuel has said any second attempt would have to provide city taxpayers with a better deal than the widely criticized 75-year agreement to privatize parking meter operations, carried out during former Mayor Richard Daley's administration. Proceeds from the earlier deal were used to plug operating deficits, and meter rates rose sharply.

This time, proposed leases must be less than 40 years, which locks in the city for a shorter period.

Rather than making only an upfront payment, the private operator also must share revenue with the city on an ongoing basis. Initial proceeds would be used to pay down debt issued since 1996 to rebuild the airport, the mayor's office said. There is about $1.4 billion in outstanding debt.

Longer term, cash flow would be directed to city infrastructure needs. The mayor has pledged proceeds would not be used to pay for city operations.

kbergen@tribune.com






Read More..

Drew Peterson transferred from Will County jail to Stateville









Drew Peterson’s new life as an Illinois Department of Corrections inmate has begun.


Peterson was transferred this morning to the Stateville Correctional Center near Crest Hill,  where he will be evaluated for placement based upon factors such as his conviction, length of sentence, program needs and medical and mental health requirements.


The Will County jail – which has held Peterson in solitary confinement since his May 2009 arrest for his own safety – had the paperwork prepared for his transfer by the time he returned from his sentencing hearing Thursday, officials said.








The sheriff’s department, which oversees the jail, kept the former Bolingbrook police sergeant segregated from the general population there amid concerns that his high-profile case and law-enforcement background would make him a target of inmates looking to build tough-guy reputations.


Jail supervisors began preparing Peterson at 8:30 a.m. and he left without incident by 9:22 a.m., officials said.


Drew Peterson wanted to make sure he was heard when he was given one last chance to speak Thursday, shortly before being sentenced to 38 years in prison for the murder of his third wife, Kathleen Savio.

Declining to speak from the defense table, where there was no microphone, the former Bolingbrook police sergeant shuffled to the witness stand in his jail-issued blue scrubs and orange shoes and began quietly.


"I hope I don't aggravate the situation," he turned and told the judge. Then Peterson screamed into the microphone, "I did not kill Kathleen!" startling almost everyone in the courtroom.


"Yes, you did!" Savio's sister Sue Doman yelled back from the gallery, prompting Will County Circuit Judge Edward Burmila to order her out of the courtroom.


It was an odd end to a case replete with oddities and circuslike sideshows. For the next 40 minutes, Peterson cried, raged and whispered, challenged the state's attorney to look him in the eye and indulged in self-pity as he unleashed his multitudinous thoughts like a character in a Dostoevsky novel.


The 59-year-old said he expects to die in prison. Barring any successful appeal, he won't be eligible for release until he's 93.


Peterson claimed that lies and mistakes by witnesses, prosecutors and police led to his conviction, and made disparaging remarks about Savio's family, attorneys and others involved in the case. His defense attorneys called the monologue an impassioned plea for leniency, but prosecutors said it was proof that Peterson is a psychopath.


"When he got up on the stand and (in) that shrill, kinda-feminine screech that he didn't kill Kathy — that's the guy that killed Kathy," Will County State's Attorney James Glasgow said. "You got a glimpse into his soul."


But in describing himself on the stand Thursday, Peterson said he was maligned and misunderstood.


"Until this happened, I thought I was viewed as a great guy," Peterson said, giving a litany of public and private good deeds before announcing he planned to tattoo the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished" across his shoulders.


"The state took an accident and staged a homicide," Peterson said, before turning to the judge. "Can I get some water?"


Once refreshed, Peterson said he had upheld the oath he swore when he became a police officer.


"I always took my job seriously, I never violated the public trust," he said, his voice husky with emotion before quoting one of the Ten Commandments. "And I never beared false witness against anyone."


"I think the only thing left to make this case run true to form," he told Burmila, stopping to take a tissue and wipe his nose, "would be a cruel and unusual punishment. And I don't think anybody would care, because nobody cares. I can't believe I spent 32 years defending a constitution that allowed this to happen to me."


It's not uncommon for a defendant to lash out against those who put them behind bars. It is rare, however, for defendant to offer a long, extemperaneous speech that both walks the court through the evidence and ilicits angry outbursts from the victims' families.


Peterson accused the state's attorney's office, state police, Savio's family and even Lifetime TV of being part of various conspiracies to wrongfully convict him. Last year, Lifetime TV aired a movie about Peterson with Rob Lowe playing the suburban police officer. Peterson said the "ridiculous movie" denied him a right to a fair trial and included statements he'd made to state police.





Read More..

Question Mark: Acne Common in Baby Boomers Too


Pimples are no surprise on babies and teenagers, but boomers?







You no longer have to gaze over a school lunchroom, hoping to find a seat at a socially acceptable table. You don’t rush to get home at night before your junior license driving restrictions kick in. And you men no longer have to worry that your voice will skip an octave without warning.




But if adolescence is over, what is that horrid protuberance staring at you in the mirror from the middle of your forehead? Some speak of papules, pustules and nodules, but we will use the technical term: zit. That thing on your forehead now is the same thing that was there back in high school, or at least a close relative. Same as it ever was (cue “Once in a Lifetime”).


We get more than the occasional complaint here from baby boomers who want to know about this aging body part or that. So you would think people would be happy with any emblem of youth — even if it is sore and angry-looking and threatening to erupt at any second. But oddly, there are those who are not happy to see pimples again, and some have asked for an explanation.


Acne occurs when the follicles that connect the pores of the skin to oil glands become clogged with a mixture of hair, oils and skin cells, and bacteria in the plug causes swelling, experts say. A pimple grows as the plug breaks down.


According to the American Academy of Dermatology, a growing number of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even beyond are seeking treatment for acne. Middle-age men are also susceptible to breakouts, but less so, experts say.


In some cases, people suffer from acne that began in their teenage years and never really went away. Others had problems when they were younger and then enjoyed decades of mostly clear skin. Still others never had much of the way of pimples until they were older.


Whichever the case, the explanation for adult acne is likely to be the same as it is for acne found in teenagers and, for that matter, newborns: hormonal changes. “We know that all acne is hormonally driven and hormonally sensitive,” said Dr. Bethanee J. Schlosser, an assistant professor of dermatology at Northwestern.


Among baby boomers, the approach of menopause may result in a drop in estrogen, a hormone that can help keep pimples from forming, and increased levels of androgens, the male hormone. Women who stop taking birth control pills may also see a drop in their estrogen levels.


Debate remains over what role diet plays in acne. Some experts say that foods once thought to cause pimples, like chocolate, are probably not a problem. Still, while sugar itself is no longer believed to contribute to acne, some doctors think that foods with a high glycemic index – meaning they quickly elevate glucose in the body — might. White bread and sweetened cereals are examples. And for all ages, stress has also been found to play a role.


One message to acne sufferers has not changed over the years. Your mother was right: don’t pop it! It can cause scarring.


Questions about aging? E-mail boomerwhy@nytimes.com


Booming: Living Through the Middle Ages offers news and commentary about baby boomers, anchored by Michael Winerip. You can follow Booming via RSS here or visit nytimes.com/booming. You can reach us by e-mail at booming@nytimes.com.


Read More..

United not planning on Dreamliner until June
















All Nippon Dreamliner 787


The All Nippon Airways Dreamliner 787 arrives at Mineta San Jose International Airport.
(Gary Reyes/San Jose Mercury News/MCT / January 22, 2013)



























































The parent company of United Airlines says it is taking the Boeing 787 off its schedule through June 5 for all but one of its routes.


United Continental Holdings Inc. said it still plans to use the 787 on its flights between Denver and Tokyo's Narita airport starting May 12. It had aimed to start that route on March 31.


United, currently world's largest airline and the only U.S. customer for the 787, said the timing of that reinstatement will depend on resolution of the Dreamliner's current issues.





The 50 Dreamliners in commercial service were grounded worldwide last month after a series of battery-related incidents including a fire on board a parked plane in the United States and an in-flight problem on another jet in Japan. United had only been flying the plance since November.


Sources told Reuters earlier this week that Boeing Co. has found a way to fix the battery problems that involves increasing the space between the lithium ion battery cells.









Read More..

Judge denies new trial for Drew Peterson, sentencing begins









Drew Peterson’s sentencing hearing is underway this afternoon after Judge Edward Burmila denied his request for a new trial.

Peterson, 59, was convicted last fall of drowning his third wife, Kathleen Savio, in her bathtub. The former Bolingbrook police sergeant faces 20-60 years in prison.






Savio’s sister Anna Marie Savio-Doman read a statement as the sentencing hearing began.

“My loss of my baby sister is beyond words. There will be no more birthday parties, backyard gatherings, holiday celebrations or other family activities to share,” she said. “The laughter, hugs, guidance, advice, sense of security and those opportunities to say, ‘I love you’ are forever gone.

“One of the hardest things for me is knowing the pain and fear that Kathleen must have suffered at the time of her murder. The horror and betrayal she must have felt when she realized that someone she had trusted and loved more than anything was actually killer her. I wonder if she could feel her heart breaking when she thought about leaving her two boys forever. The helplessness she must have felt knowing she was going to die.

“I have to say it hurts a lot. I hope it gets better, but I am not confident it will get better. I still talk to her. I hope she can hear me.”

Prosecutors have said they plan to argue that Peterson also killed his fourth wife, Stacy, who went missing in 2007, in asking for the maximum sentence. They also indicated that Peterson’s second wife and estranged oldest son could testify.

Defense attorneys had argued their client deserved a new trial because former lead attorney Joel Brodsky’s inept performance violated Peterson’s right to a fair trial. But Burmila denied their motion earlier this afternoon after two days of arguments.

"It was clear to the court from the very beginning that Mr. Brodsky was out of his depth," Burmila said. But the judge noted that Peterson was represented by five other attorneys. "Each of these attorneys brought something to the table."

As they entered the courthouse this afternoon, Peterson’s attorneys had expressed confidence they would be granted a new trial. Attorneys David Peilet and Steve Greenberg said their arguments regarding ineffective counsel and conflict of interest were powerful reasons to grant a new trial.

“I’m not much of a prognosticator, but if we don’t get a new trial here, we’ll get one from the next court,” said Greenberg.

The hearing on a motion for a new trial began Tuesday and centered primarily on Brodsky's trial decision to call Wheaton divorce attorney Harry Smith, who represented Savio in her bitter divorce fight with Peterson and also fielded a call from Stacy about her divorce options shortly before she vanished.

Smith testified at trial that Stacy had asked him if the fact that Peterson killed his third wife could be used as leverage in a divorce.

Several jurors said after trial that the testimony convinced them of Peterson's guilt. There was no physical evidence tying Peterson to Savio's death, which was initially treated as an accident.

“It was an awful decision,” defense attorney Steve Greenberg argued in court. “It ruined the case -- we brought out the worst possible evidence, and the best evidence for the state.”

The defense also argued that media licensing contracts -- that included a movie and book deal – meant Brodsky had a conflict of interest in seeking the best possible outcome for Peterson in the case.

The unorthodox defense motion included several odd moments, including Brodsky taking the witness stand to be questioned by his former defense team nemesis Steve Greenberg. Brodsky sued Greenberg for libel earlier this month. Later, the defense tried to call Will County State’s Attorney James Glasgow to the witness stand, but the judge would not allow it.

On Wednesday, Brodsky had a roughly five-minute conversation with Stacy Peterson’s sister Cassandra Cales. Cales declined to talk about the conversation.

“We were just discussing how to make sure that her sister Stacy isn't forgotten after Drew goes away,” Brodsky said.

mwalberg@tribune.com
sschmadeke@tribune.com





Read More..

Living With Cancer: Arrivals and Departures

After being nursed and handed over, the baby’s wails rise to a tremolo, but I am determined to give my exhausted daughter and son-in-law a respite on this wintry evening. Commiserating with the little guy’s discomfort — gas, indigestion, colic, ontological insecurity — I swaddle, burp, bink, then cradle him in my arms. I begin walking around the house, swinging and swaying while cooing in soothing cadences: “Yes, darling boy, another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust.”

I kid you not! How could such grim phrases spring from my lips into the newborn’s ears? Where did they come from?

I blame his mother and her best friend. They sang along as this song was played repeatedly at the skating rink to which I took them every other Saturday in their tweens. Why would an infatuated grandma croon a mordant lullaby, even if the adorable one happily can’t understand a single word? He’s still whimpering, twisting away from me, and understandably so.

Previously that day, I had called a woman in my cancer support group. I believe that she is dying. I do not know her very well. She has attended only two or three of our get-togethers where she described herself as a widow and a Christian.

On the phone, I did not want to violate the sanctity of her end time, but I did want her to know that she need not be alone, that I and other members of our group can “be there” for her. Her dying seems a rehearsal of my own. We have the same disease.

“How are you doing, Kim?” I asked.

“I’m tired. I sleep all the time,” she sighed, “and I can’t keep anything down.”

“Can you drink … water?” I asked.

“A little, but I tried a smoothie and it wouldn’t set right,” she said.

“I hope you are not in pain.”

“Oh no, but I’m sleeping all the time. And I can’t keep anything down.”

“Would you like a visit? Is there something I can do or bring?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t think so, no thanks.”

“Well,” I paused before saying goodbye, “be well.”

Be well? I didn’t even add something like, “Be as well as you can be.” I was tongue-tied. This was the failure that troubles me tonight.

Why couldn’t I say that we will miss her, that I am sorry she is dying, that she has coped so well for so long, and that I hope she will now find peace? I could inform an infant in my arms of our inexorable mortality, but I could not speak or even intimate the “D” word to someone on her deathbed.

Although I have tried to communicate to my family how I feel about end-of-life care, can we always know what we will want? Perhaps at the end of my life I will not welcome visitors, either. For departing may require as much concentration as arriving. As I look down at the vulnerable bundle I am holding, I marvel that each and every one of us has managed to come in and will also have to manage to go out. The baby nestles, pursing his mouth around the pacifier. He gazes intently at my face with a sly gaze that drifts toward a lamp, turning speculative before lids lower in tremulous increments.

Slowing my jiggling to his faint sucking, I think that the philosopher Jacques Derrida’s meditation on death pertains to birth as well. Each of these events “names the very irreplaceability of absolute singularity.” Just as “no one can die in my place or in the place of the other,” no one can be born in this particular infant’s place. He embodies his irreplaceable and absolute singularity.

Perhaps we should gestate during endings, as we do during beginnings. Like hatchings, the dispatchings caused by cancer give people like Kim and me a final trimester, more or less, in which we can labor to forgive and be forgiven, to speak and hear vows of devotion from our intimates, to visit or not be visited by acquaintances.

Maybe we need a doula for dying, I reflect as melodious words surface, telling me what I have to do with the life left to be lived: “To love that well, which thou must leave ere long.”

“Oh little baby,” I then whisper: “Though I cannot tell who you will become and where I will be — you, dear heart, deliver me.”


Susan Gubar is a distinguished emerita professor of English at Indiana University and the author of “Memoir of a Debulked Woman,” which explores her experience with ovarian cancer.

Read More..